Self-Love Practices
In my most vulnerable conversations with friends, clients, and other acquaintances, I often hear people recognize their desire to love themselves more, “to hold themselves with love” in the language of How to Hold a Cockroach. But how? What does that actually look like? I imagine you can answer that best for yourself, if you pause to check-in and listen to yourself. But sometimes a nudge or idea from someone else goes a long way!
So, here are some suggestions. Ways to practice holding yourself with love right now. These are things I’ve done that have made a huge difference. Take a look; see what resonates for you; try something out. Remember, it's not just what we do, but how we do it and the intentions we bring that generate the experience we desire.
Awareness. Pause, and simply notice how it is to be you right now, without judgment. What's here? How are your body, mind, heart, and spirit? What are you feeling, experiencing, enjoying, or struggling with? What's present around you?
Expression. As you bring awareness to your current experience, see if there are things you wish to express. Write them out in a private journal or make a voice recording, as if you're sharing it all with a best friend who loves and accepts you unconditionally. Then, change roles and read or listen to what you’ve shared being that best friend and accepting the person who shared it, just as they are.
Hugs. Wrap your arms around yourself and hold yourself, as long as you like. If you're not physically able to do that, visualize it. Imagine your loving adult self wrapping up the child self in a reassuring embrace. Whisper to yourself what you most need to hear, from love.
Forgiveness. Is there something you've been resenting yourself for? Something that’s been held as a mistake, something you really messed up? Choose grace. We are all doing the best we can with the genes, pasts, and circumstances we've been given. Gently learn whatever there is to learn from what's happened and then give yourself the gift of letting it go.
One Small Step. Sometimes there are changes we wish to make, but the path seems scary or unknown. You don't have to do it all now; just take that next step that sets the rest in motion. Comfort whatever part of you feels afraid. Send the email. Make the call. Say the words.
Curiosity. What am I believing about my current situation? About what's happened or what's coming? Be curious; be open. What else might be possible about this? Wonder. Discover!
Go outside. Notice your environment. Is it nourishing you? Is there somewhere to go that would feel more supportive? For me, that usually means stepping outside to keep company with trees for a while.
Body check-in. Pause and check in with your body. What would feel good to it right now? Stretching? Movement? Water? Massage? Give your body some love, and thank it for all it does so you can exist!
Permission. A voice in my head constantly questions how I’m choosing to spend my time. No matter what I do, it suggests or screams that I should be doing something else. Do you experience that, too? That voice is a conditioned thought pattern, it usually causes much more suffering than good, and it need not be the authority on your life! Free yourself from it by giving yourself permission to be, to be where you are, to do what you're doing.
Love Note! You know that letter that you'd love to receive? From a friend, a lover, your boss, or a family member? That note that would say everything you wish to be told, that fully recognizes and expresses how miraculously wonderful you are? Write it to yourself! Then read it, and take it in. If this idea seems silly, stupid, or time-wasting, this is especially for you.
Trust. Is there something else? Something you've been longing to try out, to give yourself or to receive? Trust that impulse. Discover what comes from following it!
What other practices have made a difference for you? Share in the comments!